You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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