I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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