There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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