Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
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Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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