okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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