PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
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I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize