hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
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I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
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Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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