3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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