you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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