I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
its liver damage thursday
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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