Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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