if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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