We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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