There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
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The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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