im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize