Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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