i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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