I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
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The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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