You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
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I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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