the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
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i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
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I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
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