I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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