My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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