Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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