Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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