yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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