"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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