got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
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now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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