Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
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Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
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Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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