I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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