i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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