I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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