meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
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Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
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Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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