I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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