3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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