You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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