Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
handjob tips. give me some.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
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I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
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I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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