Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize