I can't watch pbs sober anymore
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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