Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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