Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
how does that bad decision feel?
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