Even the bartender felt bad for me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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