So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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