I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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