Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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