When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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