if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize