if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize