moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
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its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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