Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize