he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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